What I Felt

time for a change

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 18:26:22 GMT

im switchin to xanga for a bit....add me if u got one... http://www.xanga.com/mapenzi_eshe

just luv

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 18:43:12 GMT

let us not be so careful
like Rumi says so "in prison"
to forget wat we're made of
and from wat we've arisen
keep us from forgettin that we are
undoubtedly created from afar
capable of a free drive
towardz watever luv we strive
even wen it seemz that luv aint so fair
pleaz dont u dare
say u dont care
cuz u kno u do
trust me, it's tru
stop pretendin that u r in charge
therez somethin greater, somethin at large
that i cannot solely describe in a poem
soon go in ur heart and roam
and u'll find wat i speak of
look for justice from above
even wen it comez to luv
especially wen it comes to luv
u will see wen U forgive ur sin
that above will start to be from within
u'll be so relieved
u'll be so freed
from that prison
like pre-sin, before,
after all
then u'll start seein luv everywhere
all u'll be full of is luv & care
wat this world is capable of creatin
wen someone startz initiatin
by trustin somethin made of more power
somethin that strikez an hour
wen we dont got any time
wen therez no reason to my rhyme
wen partnership equalz luv
wen we see wat blood we're made of
yea u need luv too
and so does him and her next to u
keep searchin for luv wen u get burned
luv starts appearin wen itz returned
of course its nice to see their armz around u
especially wen u are searchin for another
but wat luv there is wen its luv u go thru
and see their armz around each other

EXPLOITED EXPRESSION

Sat, 27 May 2006 20:12:56 GMT

A name here...a place there...
"Wat if someone findz out and does somethin wicked..."
Dang, u kno I wonder, "wat if someone might just happen to care"
Wat if,
In the name of advocatin, we happen to advertise
And thru our wordz we open some eyez,
Wat if thru our expression somethin true will be transpired,
"Wat if someone findz out and does somethin inspired..."
No, I will never let out detailz that r private and in between,
But wat bout tellin the effectz of that experience on YOU as you've seen.
Can that person or place or entity who is unnamed
Reside
And have had such a deep effect on u that cannot just be tamed
Inside.
That your relationship became somethin positive and true
Somethin worth sharin wit the rest of the world thru
Somethin that WILL serve otherz that may only be out for luv
No, I say let go...those storiez composed of...
You.
Is there even a sacrifice involved
Wen there is good revolved
Around a center that we forget to trust
Yes, I'm talkin bout the eye of the gust.
I wonder...in the name of 2 much protectin, 2 much stayin near
Do we keep someone from unleashin fear
Trustin the community and its stronghold
And puttin luv first thru wat u've told?
Sometimez it seemz like we look for proof everywhere
Evidence to show that somebody will care
As they make demands, I stand aloof,
They don't need YOU, they just need proof,
Proof of identity
Proof of serenity
Proof of presence
Proof of essence
Proof of legality
Proof of truth
Proof takez over the reality
And "poof"
It's all empty, just one big hole
And all we got left is a luvless goal
So we basically got nothing to prove
Cuz in the end all we got is the way we move
Aint nothin real there anymore cuz we took too long to trust
Aint nobody seem to trust ANYBODY anymore
Wen trust is a MUST
Dang, to each other it feelz like we don't even exist
You might be saying it's not so, but I got to insist,
I will not say that mistrust is witout its reasonz
Cuz we all get injured and we all face treasonz,
But instead of honorin trust and speakin up, we put up a facade,
And sometimez that all feelz like we are killing God
We dont alwayz need to be cryin behind closed doorz,
Somehow we were given voicez
Both for whisperz and for roarz.

so this is May

Sat, 27 May 2006 02:59:20 GMT

wow, it has been 2 long, hasnt it? I cannot believe I am done wit grad skool...that is the craziest thing...and dang, I was jus beginning to have fun too...makin the most of my time wit my friendz...but u kno, part of that was cuz I knew I was leavin...we luv ppl wen they're leavin...understandably...

I did some salsa dancin, went to Carowindz and rode rollercoasterz on a PERFECT DAY (one rollercoaster was half in North Carolina and half in South Carolina...won a huge Tazmanian Devil and Winnie the Pooh...or shared the winningz wit my friend I should say...and laughed more than I had in a LONG time), ate a chicken nugget near Charlotte, performed a poem for the talent show and got a standin ovation at church for it!, ate at restaurantz, especially Indian onez, way 2 much and loved it, went to the beach in Wilmington, NC, wit my dear housemate and felt the sand liberate me under my feet, saw 16 Blocks and Madea's Family Reunion ("some men come to restore"...I cried at that movie and I LAUGHED...Tyler Perry is a genius, my lil baby in Cleveland was rite!!!)dreamt some crazy dreamz, got my hair done by a new and forever friend, and went to Walmart one more time in the middle of the nite. Wat more cud one ask for at the end of grad skool???

Oh yea, and I finished my last assignmentz...of course...lol...

Now, I am bac in Jersey, I jus practice drivin our minivan 2day...wow...driving...it's about time I kno! I am lookin for a summer job at the mall or near the Indian storez (gotta luv them!) and really more focused on my job at a skool that I will hopefully have soon. Maybe in Jersey City...I am not sure, but just tryin my best and keepin my optionz open.

Bein at home is cool...set up the room, its nice 2 have a kitchen thas clean...havin dinner wit my family, bein able to see my bro more...this is good stuff. I can help my family out, we r giving e/o space and doin wat we gotta do...I like it. Yes, of course there r some fightz here and there, but wat family don't got that...I think wat matterz is that we make it anyway...

As work comes forth, I hope to find wayz to do some service too...especially as I get to kno this new neighborhood...full of Indianz...perhapz I'll make some new friendz...

Been readin a lot, listenin to some amazing R&B...so far Beloved by Toni Morrison is awesome and The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren that my supervisor gave me is so eye-opening...I am truly learnin a lot wit that and my human conversationz...along wit some dreamwork wit God...it's playin out to be a beautiful unfolding...I got some room for poetry in my heart now...somethin inspirational has entered itself and now I feel myself becomin attached to somethin wonderful by lettin go...

my face

Sat, 27 May 2006 02:42:53 GMT

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is creative and expressive.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

my poem from the talent show

Sat, 06 May 2006 00:39:05 GMT

What Will You Name Me?

My first daughter’s name is Saiva

It means divine service

And she’s already being born.

God, you’re like the 32 standard pieces of my game

And I being neither black nor white

Scream my game at home, my colors untoned

A burgundy and manila mixer

Yes, I am the party that hasn’t begun

My 32 pieces are still in the box, just like a smile, Waiting to have fun.

The plastic wrapping tight and double-taped too,

Don’t worry though, my pieces can see through

But my midnight and sunkissed links are quarantined

Accused of being abnormal, of being a fiend

When I’m regular in all my life walks

Like a child with chicken pox

Yet I’m only useful when I step outside the box.

And Who will please let me unlock this lock?

I’ve been listening carefully and I heard

He wants to see me in heaven, you know that word.

And He loved me in a different way, this may not be a heist

I’ve noticed it takes three to know Love like Christ

My trinified understanding is reality, it’s true.

Cuz of Who stands lucidly between me and you.

Like the Haagen-Dazs commercial,

“Beauty is what you put in but also what you leave out”

And God is the mystery Who won’t confess

What but always shows How

God chases the uncertain ones who guess

And we too may chase the God or Goddess

God is in the details, but did you know God is in the Chess?

First person stories about You turn to

Third person stories that follow through

Even without You

In my arms….which grew.

You came over, You kissed me, You cared for me

He held me, He loved me and I didn’t even know I needed it times three.

You becomes He and the closure I don’t see

Loses its grave and becomes brave,

And Saiva You will save.
From a spiderwebbed chamber, Charlotte set You free

Yes, my closure is now open

Cuz He loved me for me

Unconditionally

By leaving before I say Goodbye, you see

Cuz Goodbye means “God Be With Thee” quickly

So You never really left me

And You didn’t need my Goodbye

Just like children by God

I don’t know why,

All you care about is my Hi

High High in heaven

Where life’s worth is beyond seven

Seven sins and days of week not worth a dime

Like Dr. Kim said,

“You don’t hear the music because you hear it all the time”

This is how love spreads over and out,

Relinquishing comparison by compassion

Destroying my doubt

By leaving things out

And forcing me to stop the fuss

By using You, using me, using Us

As instruments towards trust.

I tripped onto love

Cuz of a crack in my walk

But you know I didn’t fall through

It led me to You.

My crack fueled a season-ing for bland life voided

So earthly disappointed

I cursed and banished this crack

But it’s diligently forming my track

Reforming a hope, replenishing a force

And I don’t want to run off this course.

Because of all three

My daughter can be free

Feeling the knocks

Of some angelic rocks

These dice, this die, sliced thrice

And let me out of the box.

Victory came

When we didn’t finish the game

Cuz to the pieces it’s all the same.

Checkerboarded love affairs blend into glue

As God intervenes why He needs to

But when we don’t see through You

That’s where we see You through

New.

What will you name

What you helped to start?

Saiva becomes a part

Of all three of our hearts

The universes that mourn

She serves by being born.

Khabhar che ke aapde ankhon bhand karye ane dilon kolye jyare prem karye

Karan ke aa bhi bhagwan nu naam levanu kevai

You know, we close our eyes and open our hearts when we make love

Because this too is a prayer

transpired and inspired

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:20:15 GMT

"God Put A New Thing In Me" said Pastor Jackie Hunter last Sunday at church...she asked if she cud pray for me and held my hand...wat a service too...so much praise...and altho I have been used to that a lil bit in temple...its a diff story I've noticed...Hinduism has been so much more a philosophy to me...a way to make some sense...but I haven't made complete sense...

I've found myself explainin to ppl wen they ask me if I'm Hindu...and I squirm assumin I ever made myself clear...but wat else are they to think...but I've found that now is my time to clarify...

I've been thinkin bout Jesus a lot and readin the Bible and talkin to many ppl...it's important to me...I think I realize the importance as I try to frame everyday life events in the context of God. It makes a difference. I am realizin that the ppl around me work WIT me as long as I am honest and work for the good of ppl and God is seriously my partner, so I SHUD trust Him, and not worry.

"More research is needed" they say...but in this case...I jus need more search...but I think there is somebody searchin for me...

MEAT DREAMZ...I gotta stop dreamin bout chicken...I think I really want to eat meat, but is it worth the change if I go back home to a vast array of Indian food...do I really want those nuggetz? If I take too much time decidin, will it pass me by? Yes, I kno there's McDonald's in Jersey, but my point is...will my there be a demise of my desire if I indulge in patience? Is this a test?

Speakin of tests...we had our 5 hour comprehensive exam last weekend...it was long...and hard...and we all went to a Mexican restaurant and let loose afterwardz. Followin that was coffee and then the followin day, Carvel with some palm-reading & "Inside Man" (which has Chaiya Chaiya in it from the movie Dil Se) which made me think, laugh and smile...

Also speakin of tests, 2day we discussed how people wit disabilities r often perceived as "Tests from God" in our multicultural class. It made me think about this comment that I thought was originally a good one from a speech, "I think special kids are spies from God"...now I am wonderin if that is truly a good quote...perhapz nobody shud be a considered a test...

Speakin of our multicultural class (yep, we're doin a lot of speakin 2nite)...we discussed multiethnic individualz today and how one of the most cited hidden prejudicez/judgments/hidden discriminationz is in the statement "I'm not racist, I don't mind interracial couplez, but what about the children? Wat will become of them their suffering/confusion?" THAS RITE...THIS IS DISCRIMINATION...I MEAN, 4 real...ur jus really askin WAT IS GONNA BECOME OF U!!! Why does development have to already be "tested" and determined to be rite?

I imagine havin a biracial/multiethnic child...

Small groups have ended at internship...I will focus more on seeing children individually now and continuin classroom guidance. I had my professor observe my 2nd and 3rd grade classroom guidance on Tues. We played career bingo wit the 2nd graders and talked bout multiple intelligences (there are many wayz to be smart) wit the 3rd graders....there were some strong momentz, some weak. My professor said it was so key that I knew all their namez (altho sometimes I mess up on some namez), and I realized that this is so important and I don't even notice that I do it. Knowin someone's name...how wonderful that can be...a lot of empathy rite there...

I can't believe we only got like a lil over a month left for internship and skool...dang, thas crazy!!!

Those babiez I help watch make me laugh way too much, jus by how they eat their pizza, mess up my pantz wit food and spit-up, smellin funky, tryin to grab my tongue wen I stick it out, turnin on the water, eatin paper towelz thinkin its food, and jus by playin...I luv them and will miss those babiez...

Today internship ended very sincerely...yes everyday is some sort of end...time for renewal..."A NEW THING" (pleaz see first sentence of my entry)...my 2 Kindergardenerz and 1 first grader danced in the hallway...

new monthz beginningz

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 00:57:48 GMT

If someone throwz away ur gift, doez that mean u shud hate them...or luv them more....?

How can I set aside my luv enuff 4 u to experience ur world and 4 me to be present...maybe this is wat real luv is composed of...not mah luv that needz to requit...YES, ReQuIt...over and over...let's finish again and again...only to rebegin...

How strong can I be?

Durin sandtray play therapy 2day, I learned from the world I built that God was dyin unless we did somethin to keep her alive...and therez alwayz an everlastin game til God decidez itz over...and life is a gamble...a...play...wit a suspicious snake hoverin til the lite...and my world is divided between piano lessonz that never began again and a car towardz freedom...and child soliderz that "need" to meet the expectationz of the world rather than the world meetin the standardz, the beauty, the wholeness of the child that enterz it...the child holdz up the motherz, yes young motherz...who bac who bring the man to justice...make a man outta the man...yes, itz the child that makez the man a man...the man I luv...and yes that child can be U and it can surely be ME...no draft for soldierhood in my world...here we make our own choicez...so we can get bac our music....so we can get bac our drive...so we can reinstitute the real family...and there r no more divisionz, only decisionz...and Yes, God is bac to life...and the sand keepz outweighin the snake...all the way into a better lite...and we finally have the answerz...at the center and the end of the world...

Church

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 16:38:01 GMT

So today I went to church with my site supervisor. My supervisor's 70 year old mom was wit us...she is from Charlotte and spoke a lot about her own experiencez wit me...my supervisor, who I can say is my friend, told me it's like my own Black History lesson... "Civil Rights hadn't passed.......we had colored water and white water...but I saw it (holdz out her handz) and told my mom, 'It looks like the water we have at home'"...she did not understand...shez so beautiful...

I saw the principal and the PTA president wit family there...it's interesting how professional can be private (a constant theme in my life). It was so crowded and that was pretty kool. It was Men's Day. Like 150 men (mostly Black men...u kno how I felt bout that =) )were performing and the sermon was about men and women...and marriage...some interested thoughtz...

Makin a mission statement for your family b4 gettin married...

"If there was no bible, no preacher...wat wud be ur undeniable experience wit God?"

"Are you all that God wud be?"

"Ask yourself, why does the family exist?"

Pastor Lockett discussed a lot about purpose and also about the "womb-man" (woman)...being suitable, adaptable, complimentary (she completes, not competes) and intimacy (INTO ME SEE)..."they were naked and...unashamed"

He discussed some stuff about women's liberation and homosexuality...I dont kno yet how I feel bout all that...I am still formin a grasp on my feelingz to wat is intended by God and wat is natural and wat is rite...I get many opinionz, many factz...many different formz of understandin that evolve as I meet more ppl and listen more...and I gotta admit, I still dont kno how I feel bout some of these controversial issuez...issuez that spawn a lot of emotion...it makez me wonder if its a matter of acceptance or untruth or jus plain discomfort...wit difference, wit change...

"You are already complete in the mind of the Creator"

Next time he'z supposed to talk about "needin a setback for a comeback..."

Going to church for me is such an interesting experience every time...I am always called there by people that are close to me and I alwayz feel like it is for a reason. Cud God really be seekin me out? This is wat I wonder so often wen I am alone and stuck wit nothin but my own thoughtz and memoriez...which nobody else knoz. God, sometimez I do feel so alone...thinkin bout relationshipz...sometimez I feel so left...

And I gotta break down to build myself bac up again...over and over...to realize that those sent to me r reasonz, reasonable angelz...peace thru doom...guidin me towardz a tripartite understandin...maybe God is part of that tri, u see...in between u and me...

confidence

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 19:09:51 GMT

I got like 9 weeks left to make a difference...I feel that so much is goin on and its a lil crazy. My weekendz don't really feel like true weekendz becuz they r composed mostly of makin up work that I can't do durin the week. If this wasn't my last year in grad skool, I don't kno how much longer I'd be able to keep this sorta schedule up!!!

Today I was able to get bac to the gym and it felt good. I had to take it slow as I ran, but thas ok becuz I gotta build it bac up again. Wish I cud keep it regular u kno, but its hard wen I can't go in the morningz and at nite, I jus wanna crash lol

I've been gettin a lil bit to thinkin up linez of poetry in my head...I write em down here and there, but so far, no poem. I wud like to have a poem to perform at the talent show in May, but I keep gettin interrupt by my need and desire to be surrounded by friendz...especially wit 9 weeks left...I feel like my pen can wait and I'd rather get the substance first for the poetry. Not the attitude of a tru writer, but at least I'm puttin some stuff down for the record now ;)

My two lil cuzins r married...ahhh...who wuda thought they'd get hitched b4 me! Its crazyyyyyyyyyy....my dad called me last nite at like midnite to tell me it all went well and my cuz from London messaged me 2day and told me it was a lot of fun! I am so glad to hear it! I wish I cud be there, but damn, all these weddingz happen rite wen I'm bout to finish up somethin I need to get done myself. Its makin me think of all the Shaadi.com responsez I've been gettin and how the fun is jus not there cuz the system is so fixed u kno. I hope I don't fall behind in this whole marriage gig, but frankly, I dont give a crap really anymore cuz I jus wanna go and do wat I need to do. NOBODY is gonna rush me! And I jus want my family to be happy IN THEIR OWN RITE, doin their own thing too. I kno, I kno, those Indianz like their damn collectivity, but sometimez u gotta fill urself up wit ur own understanding and join the otherz a lil later...nobody wantz an empty body...not even my future husband, who u kno is gonna be worth the wait anywayz. So lemme graduate, get some career started...work towardz realizing and actualizing dreamz beyond the limitationz that I am encounterin in the skoolz to the point of true social justice thru education!!!!!!!!! I am ready to be systematic...a conscientious citizen...one makin big change in this big pic I keep seein but that ppl tend to dismiss to make it easier for themselves and keep their "jobz"...wat the fuck jobz...wat difference r u truly makin anyway wen u aint takin no chancez??? I am gonna be the one that takez riskz...money will come wen it comez...and u kno, all those ppl that say, "I can't afford to lose my job cuz I got a family to take care of"...haha, well...u kno the man I marry is gonna be takin leapz jus like me to save the world, we will raise our 5 beautiful children in a way that they will be pioneer loverz of the world, willin to FIGHT and willin to do wat it takez to TRULY LUV the people of the commmunity. So don't talk to me bout money matterz, security and personal vs professional livez. LOL...I don't need no privacy between different sectorz of myself...it all feedz into my reality...and I already kno wat REALLY matterz...

My lover is gonna kno this and work wit me so we can help each other grow our true identitiez together...and we r gonna help lead a family of heroez.

But u kno, theres one thing I gotta admit bout this whole Indian marriage thing...its so funny how ppl dont get so down on themselvez wen the other person does not want to really go forward wit em. I mean, its like this confidence of rejection. I mean u got ur family support, u got ur own thing goin on...its almost healthy to think that marriage is a systematic process...that u'll find the right one, and in the meantime u jus sorta keep lookin and meetin ppl and some u like and some u might not like and u tell the truth, move on, no hard feelingz, some thingz jus dont work out but ultimately they do. LOL...I mean its like wats the point of gettin all disappointed wen u got nothin to lose and plenty to keep lookin forward 2...plenty of ppl to keep meetin. Its somethin I've jus been thinkin bout...I dunno. It's almost like, eh, wat the hell...I got enuff in my own life to make me up, and wen I find YOU, its gonna jus be that much of a bonus and we'll keep living but its cooler now cuz we get to live together...

In the meantime, dang jus keep on havin fun and sharin ur storiez...keep on playin the gamez...

Valentines

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:07:46 GMT

Happy Valentines Day! I am sorry I haven't updated in so long! Right now I have laryngitis so I cannot use my voice literally. And the doctor said I cannot go to internship or work for 2 days, so I am tryin to rest at home. It is a bit boring, but I am watching tv and sleeping and playing around a lot on the computer. I miss my children a lot and have to admit that I feel guilty about missing internship and worried about missing hours, but I know in the end it will be okay. I am alrite with my hours, but you kno the paranoia, it is natural.

I think I basically used my voice too much at internship and then I overworked myself with my internship, job applications, schoolwork and volunteering. I guess I want to do too much, but am not taking much time out for myself. I dont kno wat's wrong wit me. I want to take time out for me, but I guess I do wen I run and sleep and eat. But I guess I have to in order to fully serve others and feel replenished. Maybe I can stop being such a perfectionist. It's ok if I dont make it to everything. Time is gonna be around, but I need to learn to enjoy it and take it slow b4 I start becomin old b4 my time!!!

Chess Club is still challenging at my internship. I am enjoyin it, but there are a lot of issuez that come forth and a lot of frustration. It is somethin I am learning to manage, but it is opening up my eyez too. I wonder how thingz wud be if I did have girlz in my group. Or if I had younger boyz. Or if I had older boyz and girlz. I can imagine the possibilitiez, but in reality, I have a few more weekz wit the boyz I am wit and I want them to have fun. I have my rulez and I don't want to be a disciplinarian, but I have been told over and over again at the skool not to let the kidz walk all over me, which is ez becuz I want to be easy-goin. This luv-discipline line is so hard to be on. And it is funny how much chess and counseling have in common on so many levelz!!!

I WILL GET A JOB, I WILL FINISH MY INTERNSHIP WELL AND ON TIME, I WILL DO ALL MY PAPERS.

I still luv the ppl on the GTA, they shud be rulin this country I tell ya!

My parentz went to India for a couple monthz for my lil cousinz' weddingz...yep, my LIL cuzinz...they r like 1-2 yearz younger. I can't believe it either! I'll miss my parentz, it was weird to jus be able to say "bye" on the fone cuz of my voice. But wen they return we can celebrate graduation (hopefully LOL) and I'll get to see my bro and for a lil while, they got their mindz off of me and him and marriage...yes, India, yes...pleaz show my parentz some fun and wedding-em-out so they stop talkin bout it wit me and I can jus find my man on my own time (in progress by the way) and not feel all the pressure even tho I kno their intentionz r good and stuff like that. I luv my parentz, but I think they needed a break and a vacation too. This may be somethin good for all of us, but I will miss them. And why does everyone keep gettin married in monthz like February??? LOL

I had a great time at the Kappa Party...danced a lot. This was all such a big step for me, buyin a dress, drinkin, dancin, goin out where I don't kno a lot of ppl at all. But more than actually goin to it, I had a lot of fun preparin wit ppl (buyin the dress wit my friend, havin the drink my other friend bought over, goin wit another friend, chattin bout it wit my friendz and gettin psyched)...it was that part that made it so special...and of course, dancin alwayz helpz!

The Red Bull Word Clash was amazing!!! I thought it was diff from last year since last year was the first time I was goin...but it was still awesome cuz the poetry was incredible! Same social justice, education, equality, political, cultural issuez and this time at the Carolina Theatre and wit a bigger crowd. The weather sucked, but I still had fun! I loved hearin everyone and not havin my voice made it easier for me to truly listen. It is interestin wen ur friendz r around and u cant really talk to them, u jus listen...u can't even argue! And wat they offer u, u jus take, u jus smile and take.

I made a couple Valentines and that was fun. My friendz delivered me the best of themselves this past week and it was pretty cool. I luv my friendz.

Waitin for my voice...

HAH!

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 01:45:50 GMT

I am The Lovers

The Lovers often refers to a relationship that is based on deep love - the strongest force of all. The relationship may not be sexual, although it often is or could be. More generally, the Lovers can represent the attractive force that draws any two entities together in a relationship - whether people, ideas, events, movements or groups.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

bac in action in Jerz

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 01:57:26 GMT

So I am in Jerz again...the bus ride was aight ystday...nothin too memorable except the treez and fog and rain at nite...I slouched in my already lazy chair, fell asleep and I was listenin to my music and thought of one of my Cleveland studentz who used to ask about my goin to India and asked, "Miss Sweety...wat's it like?"...and I asked myself if this was wat heaven was like...if that was...

My dad surprised me wit puttin up the Christmas tree =) iss jus litez but thas kool wit me!!! and I got new clothez at the mall!!! So many shopperz....but it felt like Jerz...it felt like home!!!

I went wit my mom to physical therapy and she is doin a lot better! I copied this from a magazine (U.S. News & World Report, American Express advertisement, pages 4-5, 12/19/05 issue). You can fill it out too:

My name is: Sweety.

Childhood Ambition: To be a teacher.

Fondest Memory: My first kiss.

Soundtrack: Right now...my personal CD "Songz for the Bus - December 2005"

Retreat: The bus.

Wildest Dream: To become the U.S. Secretary of Education and find justice for the urban skoolz.

Proudest Moment: All the mentorin & service I've been lucky enuff to engage in conglomerated into a ball of beauty.

Biggest Challenge: Acceptin that the thingz I don't like bout otherz r thingz I don't like bout me.

Alarm Clock: The R&B station wateva city I'm in, my Snoopy alarm and my cell fone.

Perfect Day: Workin at the skool and huggin my loved onez while we ALL eat a lot of food.

First Job: Assistant at Alexander Humanities Library at Rutgers University.

Indulgence: Red Velvet Cake and fallin for Black Men

Last Purchase: Clothez from G&G Rave.

Favorite Movie: Check my Facebook...therez a lot.

Inspiration: Tru Luv.

My life is: goin jus the way God and I planned.

two monthz away...one entry in a day

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 03:08:51 GMT

Yea, yea I kno...iss almost silly to go bac to live journal after i let this fall semester drop like a bomb and escaped my writingz that so desperately needed to do their dutiez. Well, here I am, bac in action and so much has gone on...

First off, internship...my goodness, how cud so much luv be packed in any experience wit the beloved children of this earth...I had so much fun, challenge and understandin thas has arisen from my work, my play, wit my kidz. I loved every minute, the hard work, the late nitez (do to some crazy chess gamez), the early EARLY 5:15 morningz, my GTA friendz (the people that need to lead this country r definitely on the bus), the plannin, the classroom guidance, the counselin, the luv, the education...my goodness...where do I start wen there is no end...

SKOOL COUNSELORZ ->"Bandaidz versus surgery" in skoolz...how can I get to be the director of this healing facility of educational justice?

I have been havin a great time gettin to kno ppl...enjoy myself, my birthday...yep I am 23, been that way for almost 2 monthz now but was too lazy and too busy to post (is that a contradiction...a truth...a both LOL)...I dunno...

Makin friendshipz...makin em grow...makin the jealousy fade while the luv emergez...the tru luv dictated by true friendship...the lettin go in practice again and the creation of somethin a lot more sensible, a lot more lovely, and definitely a lot more crazy. Yea, learnin the lawz of friendship is a lifelong encounter...and I sure as hell learned these past couple of monthz...

CHESS CHESS CHESS...KNIGHTS OF THE SOUTH BRONX...well, letz jus say chess is like that movie...permeatin my life thru so many wayz...my children, my friendz (my children), the warrior in me as well as the lover...the teacher and counselor...the hopeful romantic and loyal realist...the game player...the victoria, the queen...the patient disiplinarian that found me...

I've been talkin bout drugz, anger, conflict, diversity and friendship...thru gamez, storiez, magazinez and color...yes my internship has made me be a lil bit closer to me...

And now I'm bout to take the Greyhound bac to Jersey...some thingz never change, but the onez do truly form u...so open urself up to the world, welcome inopportunity cuz that IN is Openin up a PORT for UNITY...let ur loss be ur chance...forgive those that hurt u, thas wat I have been learnin, forgive those that hurt u cuz deep down malice is a myth...and luv is a treasure found in friendship...

mad tired

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 20:51:33 GMT

I really need to get some sleep...I mean I luv stayin up and late and jus bullshittin wit ppl, but this is beginnin to take a toll. Yes my midtermz went fine and my sessionz wit my kidz went well, but I am MAD TIRED!!! I need to take more napz. I also need to stop makin sooo many commitmentz! I felt so guilty at internship for not doin everythin on my checklist...I know I know, I don't need to feel guilty, but they did do that ABC 20/20 special on me as my friendz like to constantly remind me about! My site host told me I am sufferin from over-achievement. I guess I jus have a hard time lettin ppl down...I kno I gotta stop that shit tho cuz I gotta take care of myself too...I was wonderin as I was waitin for the bus why that is so difficult for me to do.

My internship is still goin real well, I LUV THE KIDZ!!! =) I have been meetin new ppl (haha!) and havin way too much fun my graduate senioritis year! I need to get more sleep tho and stop taking thingz ez, even tho the paragraphy above statez that I am not takin thingz ez. I am such a huge contradiction even to myself...

My job at the clinic is goin well, iss gettin busier as we get more clientz and the studentz do their practicum work in there and stuff like that. I am learnin a lot in case I eva wanna open up somethin like that myself...we'll see tho...I sometimez ponder the possibilitiez of the future...do I wanna be a skool counselor foreva...maybe I can do some educational policy work too at some pt...I dunno...I like social justice and skool-community effort based work...I really wanna learn how to write grantz soon....

I began the Chess Club at the skool and yes it was after skool so there was some mutual chaos, and there was milk and cookiez involved...but we got some piecez learned and movez understood and pairz matched up...so it was all fun and gamez! I am enjoyin this awesome experience, plus I get to be part of the skool more by bein part of the after-skool activitiez and I GET TO KNO THE CHILDREN MORE!!! YAY!!! =)

My friend is havin the Darfur Fast and Vigil today and I passed by for some of it and they r doin an awesome job wit lotz of entertainment and craftz to buy and presentationz! Iss truly kool wat can be created wen u put so much soul into ur work...

Well I am off to the YWCA in a few, after another quick visit to the Darfur Fast...I need to catch up on my sleep tonite but we'll see if I do, iss all messed up and I am gonna hafta use this weekend to catch up some sleep...it is our fall break, but I will have internship on the weekdayz =)

I feel very peaceful even tho therez a lot of chaos in my mind rite now...I wonder why? =P

long time, no post

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 14:16:23 GMT

I know, I know...it has definitely been too long since I've posted. I have been mad buzy this year, tho I expected it. I luv my internship!!! The kidz r so awesome and for those that have been seein my away msgz, u can see how cute and loveable they are! I have begun counselin kidz and I luv it. I am learning a lot about the children, about bein a skool counselor and about myself. I am growin and I am grateful.

I have been playin gamez wit the kidz, like "The Storytelling Card Game" created by a physician, which stimulatez the imagination. Also, "The Un-Game" which also is a game that stimulatez a lot of conversation wit all its questionz. Also, I have been doin some art activitiez wit the kidz based on journal topic ideaz like "If I had a twin..." and also helped one student wit a collage about Hurricane Katrina and some thingz in magazinez and newspaperz. I am gettin to the kno the kidz more and luvin them and their compassionate and luvin personalitiez and they r definitely gettin to kno me more as I am too.

Waitin for the bus is an experience that I luv...the bus, as u all kno, is one of my dearest friendz in life, and therez this one spot at The Depot downtown that alwayz causes ppl to come up to me and tell me about my hair, men and women...it's really weird...God musta struck that spot cuz it alwayz reaffirmz somethin inside me durin the thoughtz I swim thru as I wait there...many r down thoughtz, some r up...but the bus time is one of the most awesome of the day...it is within the public that I find myself...

I have been thinkin about my relationshipz wit ppl, about Christ, about children, about family...a lot to think about in the midst of all the stuff I am goin thru in my life rite now...

The site coordinator position wit the YWCA Teen Parent Programz has been keepin me on my toez, I actually overrecruited, which is really crazy. I was a bit disappointed about that cuz I wanted everyone to have a match and do wat they wanted to do wit their service activity for various reasonz, who knowz? As I think bac to my yr last yr, thingz were not perfect, but they were the way they were supposed to be. Especially as I look at my own service this year, wat has changed, wat has remained the same, and wat I am learning thru volunteerin and leadin...it is interesting. Sometimez it takes some time, but we end up findin the rite match...not that we'll forget the past...but we find wat fitz us betta, while havin the past as our foundation in delightful and unforgettable wayz...perhapz even the service of the new volunteerz, altho not wat they have chosen at first, is wat they may end up choosin in the end becuz of all that it has unexpectedly given to them that they have not realized...all that I have been given that I have not realized...that I am realizin...that I will realize...if we choose to look at it in the way that will give us the most positive impression...

Ystday was the Leadership Conference at the YWCA and it was open to all teen motherz in the county. It was pretty amazing. The keynote speaker was awesome and some of the teenz read very touchin poemz. I got to spend a lot of time wit everyone, I spent a lot of time with my own teen and it was so great! They had really good workshopz in financial literacy and budgetin, careers/resumez/interviewin, and also on thingz like etiquette and personal presentation (makeup and such...we got a lot of free Mary Kay stuff). Even tho I am not a big fan of makeup, their presentation was interestin cuz of their tipz on keepin ur face clean and how to put on makeup correctly and in a way that is presentable for certain occasionz. They even had a fashion show. I thought the day covered so many dimensionz!

Midtermz r in 2 weekz...I really like my substance abuse counselin class a lot more than my career development class cuz the professor for Substance Abuse Counselin is soooo good at lecturin and givez us so much great info! As some of u kno, I gave up caffeine for the abstinence contract for that class for the semester, and am doin well wit it! I look for caffeine free productz and vanilla cookiez wen I can =) It's challengin to not have coffee or chocolate, but I am glad I chose somethin challengin cuz I am learnin a lot from it.

My grandmother came from India and she'z in Atlanta rite now...I want to visit her at some pt this year. I got to talk to her this mornin and she is well, jus tired from her flight. I hope she enjoyz it in HOTlanta...she is used to that weather. I hope she enjoyz bein wit my aunt. My grandmother doesn't like America becuz she sayz everyone jus leavez and goez to work all the time, but hopefully the third time here is the charm =) and she'll maybe wanna stay wit all the family here...I luv BAA =)

I have been lookin up requirementz for NJ, NY, NC and Philly for skool counselor licensure reciprocity and such. It's confusin, but I am doin my best wit it. I apply next semester. I also take the National Counselor Exam, the departmental comprehensive exams, and the Praxis II (Counseling Area Specialty) exam next semester. I am considerin takin the Praxis I (general reading, writin and math for educ. majorz/teacherz) cuz Pennsylvania requirez that. I am gonna try to get fee waiverz for the Praxis. The applicationz r expensive too. We'll see tho...I want to apply to as much as possible and increase my chancez. Then interviewz come in the summer.

I can't wait for Halloween...I want to be a Hersey'z Kiss =)

Some of my friendz may come from Cleveland for my bday weekend (Oct. 21st)...I hope they can, it wud be fun! We can all travel NC togetha a lil bit =)

Ooo, I made it to 3 milez in my jog/run thing!!!

Well, time for laundry and some work...have a fun day!!! =)

true south

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 13:40:57 GMT

This has been interesting to me...this whole past weekend...well this whole week! I am havin a great time at my intership. We helped the kindergardnerz a lot! They r stronger than me, I CRIED my first day of skool...at least for the first couple yrz ;) The children r adorable and I have been helpin with the Kelso the Frog conflict resolution materialz thing that my counselor is givin out to studentz and teacherz. I am gonna be helpin with Red Ribbon Week about Drug Awareness and wanted to have a poetry slam contest for the 4th and 5th graderz, at least for them to write their poetry and maybe we can surprise everyone at the end wit somethin cuz they all win! I also read about this idea on a website for "Hugs not Drugs" Day wen the younger kidz bring in their favorite stuffed animal =) So cute...

I luv the bus driverz and the GTA. It's awesome! I am enjoyin it all...seein the sunrise as I wait for the bus, seein the view durin the car duty portion of the day. Comin home and I still got so much DAY left...all the experience, and LOVELY NICE ppl...soo cooool....

I did 2 real southern thingz (or so they seemed southern to me). I "mulched", yes yes I kno it soundz weird, but it's like tree stump ground up stuff that u put on the ground and spread out. I did that durin a service project I organized for the old and new counseling studentz. It was all part of Agents of Grace and we went to a middle skool here in town and did some landscaping, trash-pickup and some ppl did some paintin, vacuuming. It was pretty kool. We were all tired by the end of the day. But I reallllly appreciate all of their hard work and we all got to kno e/o betta. How sweet! I luv service, there is somethin about doin work and gettin to kno ppl at the same time that is special, and different...as if u r doin a task and creatin something bigger and better in the background and foreground.

I also went to Get Downtown and saw A STEP SHOW, yes! It was a lotttt of ppl there, but I mean, hey, I like that! It reminded me of Jersey or the NYC India Day Parade, all the people and city-nezz. I luved it. The show was interestin...wat I cud see of it wit my short self. Then we stood on the railroad trax to see more, and that was fun, til they kicked us off. Trey Songz was gonna be there!!! But I had to go. Someday I'll see him live.

Speaking of live, they had a Fox 8 New Live truck at the service event. It was funny cuz this one boy was like I wanna be on TV. I was like I wonder wat time they'll show it and if someone he knew wud see it on TV. He said maybe, but if it's live then it's prolly goin on rite now. It reminded me of one of my bebez in Cleveland who once was drawin this thing reporting a blackout in the city (based on a book we read). And it was supposed to be a news story wit a pic. So she drew a reporter and some stuff in the background. And I was like how r we gonna make that more exciting. So she wrote "LIVE" in the corner and we laughed together. Some of you may kno this story already. But I guess wat happened ystday served as a reminder. It was so funny. What Live can do.

symbolizm

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 00:11:56 GMT

Icefire2001: just let things open up like a budding flower
sweetpL1021: haha ok
sweetpL1021: thas wat i am gonna think of it as
sweetpL1021: a buddin flower
Icefire2001: yes a peony
sweetpL1021: full of beauty and requirin a lot of patience and nurturance and peace
Icefire2001: because ants have to help open them
sweetpL1021: lol ok
Icefire2001: and they smell great
sweetpL1021: wat antz do i need then???
Icefire2001: it's extra work but oh so worth it
Icefire2001: no the ants are extra work and time
Icefire2001: that's all it is
sweetpL1021: oh ok
sweetpL1021: lol
sweetpL1021: i am an ant
sweetpL1021: =)
sweetpL1021: i need to learn to be an ant
sweetpL1021: TOTALLY ANTFUL
Icefire2001: and the relationship is the peony
sweetpL1021: =)
Icefire2001: :-)
sweetpL1021: how do u pronounce that i've neva seen one
sweetpL1021: then wat is he?
Icefire2001: pee-un-nee
Icefire2001: he is the covering of the bud
sweetpL1021: haha ok
Icefire2001: that you ahve to cut open
sweetpL1021: the covering?
sweetpL1021: =(
Icefire2001: not literally
Icefire2001: cut him
sweetpL1021: oh
Icefire2001: but he's the green part
sweetpL1021: why is he all closed up
sweetpL1021: no fair
Icefire2001: before the flowers open
sweetpL1021: oh
sweetpL1021: hmmm
Icefire2001: well that's how he is right now
sweetpL1021: he's the potential peony?
Icefire2001: yes
sweetpL1021: why do i gotta do the work and be the ant
sweetpL1021: and he jus sitz there all closed up
Icefire2001: cause you want it
sweetpL1021: no fair
Icefire2001: lol
sweetpL1021: doesnt he want me
Icefire2001: that's how it works
sweetpL1021: =(
Icefire2001: he needs you though
Icefire2001: or else he's a dead flower
sweetpL1021: why does he need me?
Icefire2001: he'll never bloom
Icefire2001: never grow
Icefire2001: never see the light
sweetpL1021: i am just an ANT
Icefire2001: he'll wither and die without the ant
sweetpL1021: no he wont
sweetpL1021: he didnt need me b4
Icefire2001: yeah he will!
Icefire2001: i say so!
sweetpL1021: wat makes u say that
sweetpL1021: wats ur proof
Icefire2001: i thought we were doing a symbolism thing here
sweetpL1021: i still need proof
sweetpL1021: i dont get it
Icefire2001: well he's a flowr that needs to be opened up
Icefire2001: or else he won't grow
sweetpL1021: i thought i was a flower
sweetpL1021: i am jus a bug
Icefire2001: no you are the ant that will help him
sweetpL1021: so it's all up to me to keep up my relationship wit him
sweetpL1021: he jus restz
sweetpL1021: =(
Icefire2001: well the ant needs the nectar that's inside
sweetpL1021: lol
Icefire2001: or else they wouldn't do all the work
Icefire2001: for nothing ;-)
sweetpL1021: haha

YAY

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 01:26:31 GMT

I made it to over 2 miles in my runnin! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY =) I went to the gym track today, students can finally use it again! I miss the park, but I am glad I can use it durin the pretty fall weather...that trail is irreplaceable =)

sun showerz and needz

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 21:55:03 GMT

Somebody asked me last May if I pray...and I just realized how much prayer is instilled in my thoughtz between beatz and rhythmz, clutter and clash, hope and practicality...EVERY SINGLE DAYDREAM...and I jus sat and watched some sun showerz and thought about how I may be getting jus wat I need from God...divine determination...no matter how hard we try to attain wat we want, we alwayz survive wit jus enuff, and make it thru...til it's our time to move forward...

Gosh, they're pretty...

The clinic orientation was awesome! We did some great icebreakerz (that led me to reveal some personal info about the best part of my summer, I had a couple best partz...wink wink =P) and one of them really hit the core of all of us, it was one involving the titles of the top twenty bestsellers on the NY Times and we had to pick the title that best described our livez at the moment. I said Miracle, as one of my friendz' sent me that Einstein quote about "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." And from the shipz handed down to me this past year (and my own contributionz to their formation), I realize how so much issss a miracle...everything is. We also told storiez of our scarz...wit time thingz like that, even painful can become great storiez...some can be funny too...and as my friend in India said, "let other ppl laugh at you...you'll be the cause of their joy! " =P

As I learned from my friendz' housewarmin party yesterday, it's crazy how in a room of strangerz, you can end up findin the strangely amusin similaritiez in someone u've known all year...and become closer to them~~~

The nursing home service project today was great! A lot of the older people were not interested in the crafts, but they loved the bebez that came wit their momz from the teen momz programz, especially one man who luvvvvvvveeeeeeddddddd kidz! One of the leaderz said she "luvz intergenerational stuff" like that...I agree I do 2!!! =) There was a woman there who was 100 who played volleyball and did track when she was younger and has all these successful storiez about her kidz. Another was 106 and was deaf and blind. So interesting...and such a lonely place. They had two dogz there and very nice staff. I don't kno if I'd eva wanna be in one, tho I dont meant they are bad or that the ppl that are there have it bad. I jus wonder about the idea of our self-sufficiency runnin out in some wayz (but not all of course, thas impossible)and our health becomin poor...I suppose it's important to keep ourselvez up, find support and luv whereva we go...not ppl who can be visitorz necessarily, but ppl who can be home...

Luvvvvv.......

Assume that whatever situation you are facing at the moment is exactly the right situation you need to ultimately be successful. This situation has been sent to help you become better, to help you expand and grow. ~Brian Tracy

orientation =)

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 16:39:26 GMT

Orientation went real well! The new cohort seemz sooo nice! And the icebreakers part went real well, ppl laughed wen I did the famous pairz icebreaker and was like "We may not get to finish...you may not find your partner, but at least you found yourself"...relatez to counseling cuz u do so much of ur own soul-searchin in this program! We had like NO ENERGY at the end of the day, in fact the new studentz definitely didn't! We all thought back to how we were all there one year ago and how we felt! Such beautiful empathy =) The team-building activities, with the spaghetti and marshmellowz to build the tallest structure and the rainmaker soothing sound activity were real kool. Registration for classes flowed smoothly, lunch was great and the reception had some awesome spinach parmesan dip I gotta learn the recipe for. It was sooo nice to see the old studentz again! And I got sign upz for the service activity for Agents of Grace Day on the 27th! YAY =)

I went with my friend to Caribou last nite and it was fun to vent, talk, relax in the shady sun =) We deserved a break, we all do! Then we decided at the last minute to go to the moviez and saw "Must Love Dogs" and it was sooooooooo cute! I recommend it cuz it's such a fun romantic comedy and SO TRU in so many wayz in the modern datin scene. I LUV LUV STORIEZ!!! They make me LUVVVVVVV!!! There were some great quotez, but IMDB doesn't have em posted and I can't remember them exactly =(

I've been doin a lot of volunteer recruitment stuff for the YWCA teen parents' programz all week and makin progress. It's good to do a lot of it now b4 class startz Monday. Leadership is such an awesome thing to engage in, it forcez u to be brave and confident =)

OOOOOOOOOOO, and the bus got me to my internship site in like half an hour on on Tues! And I met my counselor and she'z soooooooooo awesome! I can't wait to start workin there real soon, for now I got to meet some staff, faculty and the principal and they are alll real nice! The skool is real kool and I got to see some of the settin-up of classez and officez goin on. I learned of my counselor'z plan this year and she is so open to fresh and new ideaz, so I can't wait to think up some more. For now, I asked about field tripz to college campuses and incorporating modern music and moviez into small group counseling. She sayz anger management and conflict resolution r the biggest issuez some of the kidz have, wit the way a lot of them treat each other and also the violence they see in their communitiez.

I am very excited to start this new journey...

friendz

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 13:42:43 GMT

I am grateful & greatful (wink) cuz of I am composed sooo much of my friendz, I don't kno wat I wud do witout them...there for me wen FUNNY SUCKY thingz happen, and alwayz offerin good advice. Sometimez I think that as a counseling student, I "shud" kno wat I need to do, but then I forget that as it goez for me, it prolly in some way goez for otherz...that we all need to be needed and that is the essence and the sweetness of any relationship, especially that most fond one of friendship. Even wen they r more fair and impartial than me, I luv them cuz they ultimately teach me the truth about storiez that I think I am in the center of, but which involve so many factorz, ppl and feelingz. Even wen I get ideaz put in my head, my friendz teach me that "THAT IS WAT'S FUN ABOUT LIFE", the ideaz we get and the strollz we take thru them, and how we learn lessonz that carry us thru...my friendz r my partnerz, even wen I get angry or sad...in fact, it is those emotionz that my friendz recognize as bein rooted in me and help me to bring it out, challenge its reality and find the + possibilitiez that can exist from it...I am unstuck wit my friendz...it is wit them that I feeeeeellll sooooooo free =)

I am in luv wit this one bebe boy I watch...him and me bond...he reachez for me if he is not happy wen his diaper getz changed (I gotta admit it...it is indeed a crazy experience) and sleepz on my lap as we swing together in the evening air...and we play...cud there be ANYTHING more important than playin together?!?!

***SIGH*** tru friendship...

site coordination

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:23:04 GMT

I am really enjoyin the beginningz of my site coordinator position! Today we had a great meetin downtown and I started to make a flyer and recruitment letter to send to sororitiez and diff organizationz for female volunteerz for the YWCA! I am thinkin of usin facebook and all the girly clubz to msg memberz and see if ppl r interested...this is so awesome, I really hope that I can help get more volunteerz and make more ppl aware of the need for them in the Teen Parents' Programz...I really want to help the young women and children and ultimately PEOPLE of Greensboro and help change this city for the all the more better somehow. Plus, ppl can also see more of the communication that liez beneath their studiez and REAL LIFE~

The weather is gorgeous, absolutely perfect, not too hot, but hot enuff to wear capris and a tank top...prolly one of my favorite outfitz!!!

Tmrw I hope to engage in more palmistry studiez and I wud like to write more letterz...

palm readin

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 16:06:51 GMT

Did I ever post about palm-readin fiascoz? I don't know, maybe I have...haha but ystday I learned more about my hobby and delight.

Well first off, b4 I get into that...I gotta tell ya bout this beautiful baby boy I watched and how I played wit him and gave him juice and I took him outside on the swing and put him on my lap and we were like huggin e/o on the swing and he fell asleep on my chest. I think it was a piece of heaven. He looked at the treez and sky b4 he fell asleep and we felt the breeze and it was so sweet. Greensboro growz on me...

Hmmm...so palmistry....

So wen I went to meet my friendz' parentz about a week and half ago, we went out to eat and went to Borderz and I read their palmz and it was soooooo awesome, for their daughter as well! I have found that some of my friendz' fatherz r like the least likely to sit down and get their palmz read, and yet they do...the most seemingly doubtful r usually the deepest believerz ultimately! It was sooo fun, and they talked about how I looked so melancholy cuz of my concentration & study of their palmz. And my friend made a good point of how they were lookin into my eyez as I read their palmz and as she looked at me. Some crazy twisted triangle, BUT MAN, the energiez that pass around~~~

Palmistry really digz into the personal of a person, and yet even the way they present their handz meanz something...cuz u read the hand essentially, not jus the palm...

And it amazez me the interest ppl take wen u talk about them!!! The way they look into my eyez...I've spoken of this b4...it jus takez my breath away every time...soul to soul...

I really luv it...I reallllly do...

Becuz it almost makes me feel a special connection to people reserved for me and them, not separate from interactionz that they or I may have wit other ppl but rather almost together wit all those interactionz completin the final piecez of the whole...for a few momentz where I am as close to them as I'd alwayz wish I cud be but for various reasonz may not be so in reality in other dimensionz of time. And life is a seriez of momentz essentially...so I'm grateful...almost as the moment passez...as if the passin was part of the moment's glory...

We get to share our WOEZ and our WWWHHHOOOAAAZZZ (wink, wink to one of the special readerz (cuz U ALL ARE SPECIAL) out there...she knowz who she is...I hope!) =P

blackoutz

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 01:49:06 GMT

Well I did hear that tonite in Greensboro u can see the Milky Way like real clear...perhapz God caused that blackout for us so we cud go out and see it...it's scary w/o lite, I gotta admit it! We don't kno how much we depend on it, especially wen it's 100 degreez! And for email and stuff. Hehe, even our cell fone cellz will run out...thas kinda crazy. We lose all our formz of communication and it's like DAMN, wat r we gonna do wen we can't talk to ppl for like a friggin hour! We all get so obsessive. But u kno, bein alone is truly important. I like got to stare at my glow in the dark starz. I thought they were brighter than ever wen the litez wen out. And I don't take time out to look at them til I sleep. But layin down early, relaxin and thinkin bac to thingz, havin my face anywhere else in the world except in a screen (TV, computer, cell fone)...perhapz that is more fulfillin...wen it forcez us to remember the rest of life...the real picturez...the tangible realitiez we sorta forget wen we have a lil more ease and speed...

Rememberin my religion wen it's the darkest...

My biggest fear is that my brand new gallon of milk will spoil, pleaz oh pleaz don't let the food spoil...haha!

But God turnz the litez down for a greater reason...to teach us patience...the most important thing if we only took the time to appreciate and taste it instead of tryin to resolve it, rush thru it, or fix it as if it was not natural, not a potential positive in so many bright lite wayz....